What to Do If Your Child Has a Toxic Friend
Friendships are an important part of growing up — they teach kids about trust, empathy, and cooperation. But sometimes, even good kids can end up in toxic friendships — relationships that make them feel small, anxious, or unsure of themselves.
As parents, our first instinct might be to step in quickly or speak negatively about the friend who’s causing the problem. But that approach can actually make things worse. Instead, the goal isn’t to control your child’s friendships — it’s to teach them how to recognize healthy ones.
What NOT to Do
Don’t get angry with your child.
It can be frustrating to watch your child get hurt by a friend, but anger can make them feel ashamed or defensive — which may lead them to protect the friend instead of reflecting on the situation.
Don’t badmouth the friend.
Speaking harshly about the other child can make your child feel judged for their choices. It can also close the door to open communication about what’s really happening.
What TO Do Instead
Ask thoughtful questions:
“Do you feel safe being yourself around them?”
“If you disagree with them, can you speak up?”
“How do you feel after spending time with them?”
These kinds of questions help your child reflect on their own emotions and experiences. It encourages critical thinking and helps them identify red flags on their own — a skill that will serve them well into adulthood.
Model healthy relationships.
Children learn by watching. Show them what respect, mutual trust, and kindness look like in your own relationships — whether that’s with your partner, coworkers, or friends.
The Big Picture
It’s normal for kids to experience ups and downs in friendships, but when those relationships start to hurt their confidence or self-worth, it’s time to step in with compassion, not control.
By helping your child understand what healthy friendships feel like, you’re giving them the tools to build connections based on respect and authenticity.
Rachel Rye would say: “True friends lift you up — not wear you down.” 💙
