The Confidence Crunch: Why Girls Lose Self-Belief So Early—and How Parents Can Help
Between the ages of 7 and 9, something quiet—but powerful—starts to shift in many girls. The sparkle of certainty that once lit up their faces begins to flicker. They start second-guessing their choices, comparing themselves to others, and worrying more about being liked than being themselves.
This drop in self-assurance is known as the “confidence crunch,” and it’s happening earlier than ever. But the good news is that, as parents and caregivers, we can help our girls rebuild that inner strength—before social pressure, perfectionism, and self-doubt take root.
Why Confidence Dips So Early
Young girls begin to internalize messages from peers, social media, and even subtle adult feedback that tell them they need to look, act, or achieve a certain way to be accepted.
According to research from The Confidence Code for Girls, girls’ confidence drops by 30% between ages 8 and 14. Around this age, many start worrying more about mistakes, fear of embarrassment, and peer approval—all of which can quiet their natural curiosity and courage.
What Parents Can Do to Help
Confidence doesn’t grow from praise—it grows from experience, effort, and permission to fail.
Here are a few powerful ways to help your daughter rediscover her spark:
1️⃣ Encourage Imperfect Action
When your child hesitates to try something new, remind her that courage isn’t about being fearless—it’s about doing it even when you’re nervous.
“Courage and confidence grow like dough—one rise at a time.” – Samantha Sourdough
2️⃣ Model Confidence in Yourself
When you face a challenge, talk about it out loud. Let her see you push through fear, make mistakes, and try again. Kids don’t learn confidence by hearing about it—they learn by watching it.
3️⃣ Shift Praise from “You’re Smart” to “You Worked Hard”
Focus on effort, not outcome. Instead of saying “You’re so good at that,” say “I love how hard you worked on that!” This builds resilience instead of fear of failure.
4️⃣ Build a Vocabulary for Strength
Teach her words like “capable,” “brave,” and “persistent.” Language shapes self-image, and confidence often starts with the words we use to describe ourselves.
Crumbz of Confidence Reflection for Parents
Ask yourself:
How do I respond when my daughter fails or struggles?
Do I allow her to experience frustration without rushing in to fix it?
What can I model about trying again after a mistake?
Encouraging confidence isn’t about creating perfection—it’s about helping kids feel safe enough to stumble, learn, and grow.
Takeaway from the Breadcrumbz
Samantha Sourdough reminds us that confidence doesn’t come from getting it right every time—it comes from mixing courage with self-belief and letting it rise through practice.
When we create space for failure, we create room for growth.
And when our girls know they’re loved exactly as they are, they’ll rise higher than we could ever imagine.
